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This is an occasion in which normally-lackluster topics like “Where did you grow up? Ask about movies, books, or music if you want, but don’t try to peacock about your Bitcoin investment or SAT scores. Invite someone over and tell them a little too much about red wine flavor profiles, which you learned from You Tube videos. Don’t suggest hangs that can be easily misconstrued as a date—sit-down meals, movies, museums, and the like. There is a scene in that no one outside of my family remembers, in which Linguini accuses Remy (the rat chef) of “getting fancy with the spices.” In familial parlance it’s become shorthand for going overboard out of desperation to do well.
Show them a video of your dog trying to climb a tree to get a squirrel. Casual sex is not the place to try things with which you don’t already have a baseline comfort level.
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Casual sex, of course, can suffer from its newness or lack of intimacy on occasion—we all have lackluster one night stand stories. In the same way that it’s fun to stay in a hotel, even if you have no desire to live there, there’s something inherently sexy about getting down and dirty with a new person.
You’re unafraid to say “one inch to the left.” But sex with the same person, with whom you currently have a minor standoff going over who’s going to call the landlord about the water spot in the ceiling in the kitchen, can also become rote in a way casual sex cannot.
” and “Let’s dabble in BDSM tonight.” Being up for anything—a good outlook when it comes to casual sex—really means, “up for fairly common sex acts that we’re both comfortable with, perhaps with minor, fun twists.” It doesn’t mean you need to test drive your kinkiest fantasies.
The point is, this isn’t the time nor the place for conversations about how you’re coping with your dad’s new girlfriend post your mom’s abrupt move to Barbados.
Casual hookups can be militantly Sex-Only, or they can involve a drink or two at a nice bar with some Michelob Light-grade conversation. Now, this isn’t an invitation to be boring or taciturn, it’s just a plea for you to keep it easy-breezy. Or, more likely, one person gearing up to want more than casual sex.
No big deal if you aren’t, I just want to be on the same page because that’s what I’m looking for.” And then if you crazy kids continue to engage in unattached sexcapades, set more specific rules from there, and accept that it won’t be the last time you talk about them. Prolonged proximity leads to intimacy, whether you like it or not.
If you hang out with someone long enough, you become friends, and then you’re friends who are regularly sleeping together and spending the subsequent day together, and then bam!