Dating pregnancy after miscarriage

Above all, I was sure that every pregnancy I ever had again would end up this way– that it would seem perfectly fine and then one day the baby would be dead with no explanation.I was sure that I would never again birth a healthy child, hold them to my breast and touch their tiny fingers and toes.I wanted to fall in love with this child just as I had the two times before.I missed that feeling of hopeful joy, and I know my husband and daughter missed it too.We had a couple exciting bits of news that I saw only the bad in– every victory at work was quickly dimmed by my estimations of what could go wrong.My answer to everything was now: “Well, we’ll see how it goes. In my mind, I was waiting for the Second Trimester– the “safe time” where I could finally be happy and relieved.Then, our baby passed away inside me what must have been only a few hours later.The entire experience was traumatizing from the moment I knew my child was no longer living, all the way through the D&C, and the recovery period which reminds you every moment that your body is eliminating a pregnancy.

I felt resentful at the idea that we would just move on from the experience, “buy a new puppy”, so to speak.I’m sure these are common feelings felt by any grieving person.There are people who have lost children of all ages, even more than one, and I can’t imagine their heartbreak and depth of loss.I think they hoped that time would heal, that after a period of grieving I would be all better and that it was best to wait it out.I got a lot of “reminders” that I would “have another baby”, that “it just wasn’t meant to be”, or reassurances that I would “eventually” have the family that I wanted.

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